I’m a really lucky girl. Here’s one of the reasons why:
It was about ten years ago now that I had a major life crisis. It was my junior year in college and the plan I’d had for my life was crumbling. I was dating a near-perfect guy, but it didn’t feel right. My psychology classes that I’d loved so much up to that point just frustrated me. We were heading into summer, a time when I usually feel upbeat and hopeful, but the days still seemed cloudy. I didn’t know what exactly was wrong, but I knew I just couldn’t live feeling like that forever.
Among my many worries was that I was missing passion, that I didn’t have anything I was meant for. I lived every day going through the motions. I just felt stuck.
A lot has happened in the years since. And little did I know, I would have several more similar life crises. Even after I found the remedy to ease the worries I felt during that first one, I hit a period a couple years later when I felt similarly. And so it’s gone on for just under a decade, this feeling that I wasn’t truly living the life I was meant to live, as cheesy as that sounds.
But then, just four years ago, I discovered my love of audio storytelling after listening to an episode of the radio-show-turned-podcast This American Life, thanks to the off-handed recommendation from a friend.
You all know what’s happened since. I quit my job in Provo, Utah, and did odd jobs for a year while I applied and then waited to start my graduate program at Arizona State University’s Walter Cronkite School of Journalism and Mass Communication.
As I sat in orientation that first day of school, I felt something powerful inside of me that felt sort of…electric? I can’t completely describe it, but it was a strange confidence I’d never felt before. I knew deep inside that this is what I’m supposed to do and something I would do anything to do well.
And it hit me. I’d finally found what I’ve been looking for. My passion.
This all may sound really trite. And right now, as I’m writing it, it reads a little that way. But I don’t know how else to explain it.
I’m now graduated with my master’s in journalism. I had so many experiences in school that confirmed that I’m doing what I love. But even in the past few weeks, I’ve been reminded again and again that I’m doing what I was made to do.
Inevitably, there are moments where I question myself or where others question my abilities. But even when that happens, I know I’m so lucky and I know journalism is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
You want to know how I know? Here’s how I know:
- When I started crying in the NPR Intern Orientation meeting when they read the original purpose of NPR, and at various other points just because I was so happy I got to be working toward something I wholeheartedly believe in.
Part of NPR’s Mission Statement:
“National Public Radio will serve the individual: it will promote personal growth; it will regard the individual differences among men with respect and joy rather than derision and hate; it will celebrate the human experience as infinitely varied rather than vacuous and banal; it will encourage a sense of active constructive participation, rather than apathetic helplessness.” – Bill Siemering
- When I got to attend Robert Siegel’s retirement party and wanted to leave early because I had a blinding migraine, but couldn’t because I wanted to hear all the stories told by the seasoned and famous journalists and producers. I stood by the door with my backpack on my back for nearly two hours, hanging on every word.
- When I sat on the edge of my seat as I had a “room where it happens” moment, listening to NPR leadership explain in a meeting why they made the decision to say s***hole on the air.
- When I can’t wait to go to work at NPR the next day.
- When I saw “The Post” and wished I could have been in that newsroom, and cried because I love the power of the news.
Though there are hard days, I can’t imagine doing anything else in the entire world.
And in the end, that’s how I know. That’s how I know I’ve found my passion and calling.
I’m a really, really, lucky gal.
Your friend,
